Sometimes Everyone Needs a Little Push

Yesterday, I actually pushed Josie through the door of Harmony Library's 4-year-old and Up Story Time.

Can you blame me?  The kids get to go in by themselves while the moms get to venture into the wonderful world of adult books.  Wait, that doesn't sound right.  Let me re-phrase.  I got to visit the part of the library that holds adult fiction and quietly peruse books that have no colorful drawings in them without reminding anyone around me not to make so much noise, or to stop climbing on those little step stools they keep in the aisles.

It really was worth the bit of stabbing guilt that accompanied that little shove.  I watched through the window for about 5 seconds to make sure she wasn't crying, and I was off without a backward glance.  (OK, I circled around once to make sure she was still sitting quietly before I left the Children's section completely.  I'm not heartless.)

I spent the next half hour tracking down books on my to-read list and deciding which ones to take home.  It really was marvelous.

Josie never used to be nervous about leaving me.  Not until she broke her leg a year ago.  I've thought a lot about this, and I think maybe it's because I wasn't there when it happened.  I was at speech therapy with Isaac.  She will forever love Evan for staying on the trampoline with her and holding her head while they waited for the ambulance to come.  She still talks about that.  Twice this week actually.

Of course, I'll never know if that is what really has caused her sometimes freakish attachment to me.  (It is not consistent at all.  She goes to school fine and does lots of things with no problem. I just can't figure what causes her to sometimes grab onto me with no intention of letting go.)

I hope she heals soon from whatever emotions are causing this behavior.  I don't want my sweet, out-going girl's life to be hampered by fear.  I'm sure she'll grow out of it at some point.

Until then, I'll be there to shove her through whatever doors appear too daunting, so she can emerge later with a big smile on her face and say, "That was fun, Mom!"

Waiting

 

When I had Kimball, my first born, I became a mother.  It was wonderful, scary, challenging, and fun.

When I had Evan, my second boy, I became a mother who understands that all children are unique individuals from the moment they are born.

When I had Isaac, my third boy, who has Down syndrome, I became a mother who enjoys an eternal perspective.  I learned what is important, and what is really important.

When I had Josie, my first girl, I became a mother who understands that there is an innate difference between boys and girls.  One is not better than the other, they are just necessarily different...what a marvelous thing.

I have learned many things from each of my children along the way, but the most valuable lesson I have learned is to turn to my Heavenly Father when I am struggling to be the mother He knows I can be.  Sometimes, I forget.  I try to plow through problems alone until I realize that I'm not making any progress.  Then, I bow my head and ask for help.  And, you know what?  He is always there...waiting.